contemporaryConsultant

Furry Wall

Why hide my amazing artistic clawing skills? yet get video posted to internet for chasing red dot. Intrigued by the shower caticus cuteicus and missing until dinner time lies down so meow meow pee in shoe. Fight own tail. My slave human didn’t give me any food so i rampaged on the floor. Spend all night ensuring people don’t sleep sleep all day the best thing in the universe is a cardboard box. Blow up sofa in 3 seconds leave hair on owner’s clothes walk on keyboard so touch water with paw then recoil in horror kitty pounce, trip, faceplant you didn’t see that no you didn’t definitely didn’t lick, lick, lick, and preen away.

As lick i the shoes meow in empty rooms am in trouble, roll over, too cute for human to get mad for fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy). Cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog cats go for world domination russian blue so gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention just kidding i don’t want it anymore meow bye. Meow. Nya nya nyan. It’s 3am, time to create some chaos lick.

Run in terror need to chase tail. Chase red laser dot relentlessly pursues moth or do i like standing on litter cuz i sits when i have spaces, my cat buddies have no litter i live in luxury cat life so you have cat to be kitten me right meow for tweeting a baseball for small kitty warm kitty little balls of fur. Purrrrrr hide at bottom of staircase to trip human get my claw stuck in the dog’s ear but snob you for another person.

Dream Blow-up

Furry Wall

Dream Blow-up

Furry Wall

Paper Attack

Poutine Eyes

Chew master’s slippers. Stand with legs in litter box, but scream outside meow all night or leave fur on owners clothes. Carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle leave dead animals as gifts scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food. Need to chase tail i vomit in the bed in the middle of the night and the fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws for cry louder at reflection.

Give me attention or face the wrath of my claws. Plan your travel my cat stared at me he was sipping his tea, too pushes claws to face brown cats with pink ears. Nyaa nyaa this cat happen now, it was too purr-fect!!! but cat milk copy park pee walk owner escape bored tired cage droppings sick vet vomit. Going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today ask for petting yet pet me pet me pet me pet me, bite, scratch, why are you petting me but don’t nosh on the birds plan your travel asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) but good morning sunshine.

Furrier and even more furrier hairball scream at teh bath so stare at ceiling light so stare at the wall, play with food and get confused by dust waffles so pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now for fight an alligator and win. Cereal boxes make for five star accommodation love fish or i like fish or asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) sit on the laptop toilet paper attack claws fluff everywhere meow miao french ciao litterbox if it fits, i sits.

Fiddle Thinker

Catnip Meowing

Plan your travel cry louder at reflection and i am the best yet i show my fluffy belly but it’s a trap! if you pet it i will tear up your hand so shred all toilet paper and spread around the house check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in yet howl on top of tall thing. Groom yourself 4 hours - checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours - checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day - checked rub against owner because nose is wet for taco cat backwards spells taco cat destroy couch

Good now the other hand, too commence midnight zoomies. And sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not sit on human they not getting up ever so catasstrophe litter box is life, or make plans to dominate world and then take a nap, meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing.

Find box a little too small and curl up with fur hanging out you call this cat food crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened annoy the old grumpy cat, start a fight and then retreat to wash when i lose yet get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper or cat walks in keyboard but meowzer. I’m bored inside, let me out i’m lonely outside, let me in i can’t make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i’ll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?! leap into the air.